someone to love?

Lately I've been dreaming (literally dreaming) with a boyfriend.
It's so fucking absurd. I do know I don't need a boy to be happy.

It's just that it's about time i guess... you'll see.. i've always felt myself way too different... not suitable for a boyfriend like all the other girls.. like i was unable to have someone who likes me, like if i didn't deserve it... may be cuz' i don't feel myself preety.. i do not look at me as a pretty, or at least cute girl.

Selfestime problems, I know! I wish I could control that annoying voice inside my mind.. that stupid voice that tells me every single day that i'm not good enough, that i'm ugly, stupid, just a joke, not loveable, disgusting... and all that kind of things

That's my attitude towards love, towards life, moreover towards ME.
That's why i always end up running away, that's why i always end up ruining everything.

The moment something goes kind of good on my life i find the way to fucked it up TOTALLY.. and then I end up even worst.

I'm a total wreck, i'm a disastrous little person still obsses with my teenage ghosts, and unfortunatly i don't think they'll go away easily nor soon.

I'm just a fucked up girl looking for some peace of mind.. wishing somebodey could love me the way I am, and finally be happy for at least one moment. DAMN!